Stretched Too Thin This Holiday? How to Notice the Signs & Say No Without Guilt

By Amy Markuson, LCSW — Wonder & Grow Therapy

The holiday season is a time of joy, connection, and celebration—but it can also bring stress, pressure, and extra expectations. Between festive gatherings, family obligations, beloved traditions, and the push to make everything “picture-perfect” (thank you, Hallmark movies and social media feeds!), it’s easy to spread yourself too thin. For many people, especially those who struggle with anxiety, overstimulation, or people-pleasing tendencies, the busy season can stir up old patterns of self-doubt and guilt.

If you’ve ever found yourself overcommitting, powering through exhaustion, or feeling bad for saying no, you are not alone. The good news? You can learn to spot the signs of doing too much and create gentle, effective boundaries that protect your energy, nurture your well-being, and keep your relationships strong—so your holidays can be joyful, not overwhelming.

Why We Tend to Overextend During the Holidays

The urge to do more this time of year is often fueled by a blend of internal and external pressures:

Internal Pressure

During the holidays, it’s easy to feel like you’re responsible for creating the “perfect” experience for everyone. Maybe you insist on baking all the cookies from scratch, decorating and cleaning every corner of the house, and finding the perfect family event for everyone—while secretly feeling exhausted. Perfectionism, overachieving, or trying to “keep the peace” can push you past your limits, leaving you drained instead of enjoying the season.

External Pressure

Holiday gatherings, school events, work parties, gift exchanges, and traditions easily pile up. Social comparison, especially on social media, can intensify the feeling that you must keep up and look good while doing it.

Emotional Factors

Many people struggle with disappointing others, whether that means setting boundaries with family, or finally letting go of long-standing childhood roles like the “pleaser” “caretaker,” or “overachiever.”

Recognizing these influences helps you pause, breathe, and choose yes—or no—on your own terms.

Recognizing the Signs That You’re Doing Too Much

Holiday stress often slips in softly, quietly turning into chaos and mayhem if we’re not paying attention. Recognizing its subtle signs in your body, emotions, and daily routines can help you stay ahead of it and keep it in check.

Physical Signs

• Fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest

• Tension headaches, stiff neck, or jaw clenching/teeth gridding

• Trouble sleeping or waking unrefreshed

• Feeling run-down or getting sick easily

Emotional Signs

• Anxiety or irritability

• Feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated

• Resentment toward commitments or people

• Guilt for wanting to rest

Behavioral Signs

• Automatically saying yes, then regretting it

• Overbooking yourself or double scheduling

• Skipping your own needs (self-care and hobbies)

• Avoiding events or tasks altogether

Internal Thought Red Flags

• “Something bad will happen if I don’t meet everyone’s expectations.”

• “Everyone is counting on me to make the holidays magical.”

• “I can handle it all, I just need to push harder.”

When these signs stack up, it’s a clear signal: your nervous system needs space, not more responsibility.

The Cost of Overcommitting

Doing too much has ripple effects on your wellbeing and relationships.

On Mental Health

Constant overextension increases anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and burnout. You might notice it’s harder to feel centered and calm with so much going on.

On Relationships

When your energy is depleted, irritability rises and your emotional availability decreases. Resentment can even grow toward the people you love, the exact opposite of the warmth and connection you were hoping to create this holiday season.

On Your Experience of the Season

You might miss out on the moments that matter most—like watching your kids open gifts or sharing a quiet laugh with family—because you’re too busy perfecting the table setting.

On Your Values

Saying yes to everything often means saying no to yourself, your rest, peace, and needs. Boundaries aren’t barriers and are not meant to be mean. They’re the foundation of honoring your mental health.

The Power of Saying No Without Guilt

Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’re choosing with intention and taking care of yourself so you can show up fully where it matters most. Every yes comes with a tradeoff. A thoughtful no isn’t about missing out—it’s about making space for what really matters:

• Meaningful connections: enjoying conversation with the people you love

• Rest and restoration: giving yourself permission to recharge

• Mental and emotional clarity: feeling grounded, present, and less overwhelmed

• Activities that align with your values: choosing traditions that truly bring you joy

• Calm instead of chaos: creating a holiday rhythm that feels peaceful and manageable

Boundary-setting supports not only your wellbeing, but actually nurtures the quality of your relationships.

How to Say No Without Guilt During a Busy Season

1. Use Clear, Kind Language

Short and simple works best:

• “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t commit this year.”

• “I appreciate the invite, but I need to prioritize some downtime right now. Wishing you a lovely holiday!”

• “I love that you thought of me! I won’t be able to make it, but I hope it’s a special day.”

No explanation needed.

2. Avoid Overexplaining

The more details you give, the more space others have to negotiate your boundary. Your no is enough.

3. Decide Your Limits Ahead of Time

Try setting holiday boundaries before the season escalates:

• Before December identify how many events feel manageable?

• What tasks bring you joy—and which drain you?

• What traditions still feel meaningful and bring value?

Planning ahead reduces feeling overwhelmed, being caught off guard and a reactive yes when you meant to say no.

4. Pay Attention to the Internal “Flinch”

That quick moment of tension—tight chest, sinking feeling, dread—is meaningful information. Your body often knows before your mind does.

5. Let Guilt Be a Visitor, Not a Guide

Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it just means you’re stepping into something new. Old habits and patterns naturally resist change at first, and that’s okay.

Practice sitting with discomfort. It will soften over time.

When Guilt Shows Up: Try Self-Compassion

You can counter the guilt with gentle truths:

• “It’s okay to take care of myself; my needs matter too.”

• “Setting boundaries is an act of love—for myself and for those around me.”

• “I am learning new ways to care for myself, and it’s okay if it feels unfamiliar at first.”

Self-compassion strengthens emotional resilience and reinforces that your needs matter.

Creating a Calmer, More Intentional Holiday Season

Imagine a holiday season where you feel grounded instead of rushed. To move toward that, try:

• Scheduling intentional downtime

• Choosing quality over quantity in commitments

• Letting go of perfectionistic expectations

• Asking for help instead of handling everything yourself

• Incorporating mindfulness or grounding practices

The goal isn’t less activity, it’s more presence, so you can really enjoy the people and moments that make the holidays special.

Final Thoughts

You deserve a holiday season that nourishes your heart and mind, not one that leaves you feeling drained. Paying attention to the signs that you’re doing too much gives you the space to break old patterns and empowers you to make kinder, more intentional choices.

At Wonder & Grow Therapy, I help people of all ages handle stress, anxiety, and the internal push to do too much, guiding them toward a calmer, more grounded life. You don’t have to move through this season alone. A calmer, more intentional holiday is possible.

You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to set limits.
You are allowed to say no—without guilt.

Your wellbeing matters, today and every day.

Happy Holidays!